- When Your Past Keeps Bleeding into the present -

I work with complex trauma survivors & safe-enough others, meaning safe-enough partners, family members, &/or group participants to help people restore access to their own goodness (sense of self) & the safety/pleasure of what it's like to have good-enough relationships.  

Attachment science has proven to us that "good-enough" attunement only needs to happen 30 percent of the time, meaning that we as humans can't track each other fully & completely accurately all of the time, & we're not meant to. In a big way, that's a relief, because we are imperfect, & the idea of perfect isn't real.

However, relational trauma often occurs through our caregivers not adequately meeting us in that 30 percent window. This can be caused by a plethora of circumstances, like parental depression, missing cues due to stress, & the issues mentioned above, such as alcoholism, & toxic other parenting. 

Many adults find that they have symptoms of C-PTSD, yet they can't connect the dots about why they feel so horrible, or why they have trouble making secure connections. Yet, these adults can be very aware of just how often & how much they feel ashamed of who they are. 

The truth is that if you weren't witnessed in that 30 percent, then your attachment to your caregivers was considered "not-good enough," which meant that you were alone at a developmentally inappropriate time & way, & that led to you having chronic symptoms laden in the shame-based sensory experience.

You are not responsible for your childhood experiences, or your family members, nor are you responsible for how your organism (self) has adapted to stress through disconnection. To give ourselves a fair shot is to finally step out of toxic shame & into the truth of what went wrong & how it deeply affected us.